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The Adventures of Tod Parker and the Scene

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 15:25:38 +0000

As the date to my “Tod TOUR 2012″ approaches I do detect a bit of exitement in the air. I finally finished editing my blog book or ‘blook’ as Im starting to call it, and I feel such a sense of accomplishment. In a few weeks I will have a copy in my hands. Hopefully I will have it before my “TOUR” begins, so I can have a legitimate reason to call it a “TOUR.”

Im jus sayin

The Scene and I will be hanging out and Im hoping she will be will to help me with pics of our adventures…..or misadventures as Im hoping it will turn out to be. Misadventures always turn out to be more funny antyway. Yes anytway. And I want to have the pics to prove it I have to figure out what episode of what tv show its going to be like. I hope its got some Twilight Zone and Jerry Springer in it . It shouldn’t be hard to find a place with people like that. We generally are good about finding interesting places and meeting the colorful characters that flock to these establishments. For example one time WE were the colorful characters in the place because we were the only two people in the bar …at the bar.. on the dance floor dancing. WE would be laughing the entire time about being the only two in the place and having the time of our lives. The dj played all our requests because it was only us . Our glasses never got empty because the bartenders were standing by to make sure they stayed full. And we had the best fun . We are good about making our own fun when we go out Even when its a club and we are the only two in there.Yeah , those kind of misadventures turn out gr8.

I’m jus saying

The real adventure is I’m going to be face to face with her, there will be no need for the two soup cans and string or smoke signals. I can even get a chance to see what those sounds are that she makes when shes on the phone with me. Remember that time I heard this indescribable horrific screeching sound , and I asked Selena “what is that sound?’ “Oh shut it,she says.” Its only the butter melting”. Well I want to SEE this butter melt. Or should I say HEAR the butter melt. I’m probably going to call her while I’m standing next to her as the butter melts and let her hear what melting butter sounds like coming from her phone to mine.

I’m jus sayin

The last adventure I had was in NJ , when Selena and went to a spot in the village on Christopher St. I had been there a lot in the past to see some of my friends perform .. Small place gr8 drinks HUGE NY ATTITUDE! No problem. I was looking good , nice jeans leather jacket. , I don’t play when it comes to that so I handed Selena the camera to take a photo because I wanted to see what it looked like. She pruned her lips as usual and said “mmph’ because that’s what she does when I ask her to take pictures.Don’t ask me why . I think its some sort of condition. Just as I was about to tell to hurry up and take the pic , the most interesting thing happened. This “colorful” character just sauntered himself up to me and twirled away like a whirling dervish. This must be part of the show I said to myself. I looked at Scene and she was already cracking up as she tried to snap a photo. By the way the photos she took were of my crotch. Shes terrible. You see Selena was taking crotch shots before Paris Hilton made it fashionable. Im jus sayin…

Conversations with Trucco and Cosa Grande

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 11:02:43 +0000

Reblogged from Tods Blog/ today on Tod…….:

Welcome Back ! I’ve been expecting you! And just because I mentioned in the last post that I would win the emmy for Best Actor in a series I thought it only decent of me to show my worthiness by sharing with you a recent experience to back it up. I mentioned before that the conversations Selena and I have are just like our own tv sitcom , Big Stuff. Sometimes the things that occur have in some way been an episode on one of those 80s sitcoms like 3s Company or Laverne and Shirley. I’m sure …

Conversations with Trucco and Cosa Grande

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 10:36:05 +0000

Reblogged from Tods Blog/ today on Tod…….:

Something that …

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:53:43 +0000

Something that I have noticed about myself lately is that I very rarely use a pen. Now that might not seem kind of strange but listen there is an interesting story about to brew. I think its about how to make words come to life and jump off the page.The only way they can do that is when another reader allows my imagination to run away with them. Now , let the words do what they do and and just enjoy the excursion.

For the past four years I have written in my journals(with gold tipped fountain pen) about creating the life that I want to live. It included fulfilling a dream of publishing a book.I call it a “blook”. Its a collection of my favorite blogs in a book.,so I call it a blook I cant wait to get it on NOOK. Once I get it in my hands I can say I am a published author. I don’t recall ever being so exited about achieving a goal and realizing a dream .

Except when I received an Oscar ….Im jus sayin tee hee hee A blook…. Only I could create that. I am a true Tod after all. Look me up in the Urban Dictionary.

Im jus sayin

More on how I got an Oscar later on in The Scene, but first this .

There was something interestingly mysterious about the way the pen created words that jumped off the page . I recall a phrase in a book about building confidence.In it were words that jumped off the page and directly into my life.

It said ”Treat yourself as though you are the most socially desirable person that you know. What would make me posses qualities like that?? Well , being a published author of a few books makes for good conversation. Oh yeah …I keep forgetting I have an Oscar too ,Perhaps how I reciveievd such an honor would certainly be entertaining at most ,not just interesting …only if I looked and behaved as though I were a recipient of such an honor tee hee hee I would later reveal the funny truth behind that Oscar ,and therefore justifying my receiving one.

Im jus sayin

So I began to treat myself as though I was the most socially desirable person that I knew. Hm mm this sounds like fun

The pen wrote me into that person. I became the better person I was creating by default because of what I was writing. Ordinary life became extraordinary because I would fast forward to the end and imagine the outcome…so I would know what it felt like when it happened .It kind of in its own way creates it own favorable outcome. So I created the feeling and believed that everything I’m doing is for that outcome Oh yeah tv became a major instrument of influence too. Especially The Twilight Zone episode Eye of the Beholder .Sometimes I feel like the handsome gentleman in the episode when doctors say his good looks are not the norm and he and the other female patient( played by Ellie Maye Clampett from The Beverly Hillbillies) must be banished to a place far away because the are too beautiful. I know what that feels like because Im devastatingly handsome too .Fact.

Devastatingly Handsome

.. im jus sayin tee hee hee .At times I must admit I enjoy humorously blurring the lines between pre-fact (imagination) and “reality. Thanks Rod Sterling for those heavy doses of Twilight Zone because it taught me how to turn fiction into fact. If you look, some of those stories that have come true . So if the pen is writing about becoming the most socially desirable person that you know then know this, sooner and not later it will be fact.For example, I discovered by accident the recipe that always works for writers . A sitcom has approximately 21 minutes to write a problem into the premise and create a favorable outcome. Hollywood movies do the same thing only in 90 minutes. The world could be headed for certain doom and some big star comes in and saves the day and it always has a happy ending. Fact. Its the same recipe just different writers.

Ive written into my life the people who I’m lucky enough to know, not as ordinary people ,but as” reality tv stars” and in my show ,hence Tod Parker and The Scene. Its got its own little agenda Tod Parker IS The Scene. Fact. I cant be The Scene unless I literally create it .The scene is created when the camera is on. I couldn’t help but be flattered to watch my “reality stars” set the stage when the camera is on them … What you end up with is a combination of Twilight Zone Meets Rupaul and John Waters . Yes all of that rolled up into an ordinary life…

But the pen wrote about the better qualities that make one a unique individual.My traditional values with a contemporary view allow me to express it creatively and share it like this to people like you. That’s what makes it unique.In the utmost sense “Create the scene, set the stage and put you in it”has leaped off the page and into real life.Fact

So I allowed the pen to write me into that person .He’s a published author .Fact. My goal is to publish one book a month or should I say blook? Situations have actually arisen where people have asked questions about when is my book coming out . Now I can say ,on February 13 , 2 days after my 49th I mean 32nd birthday. I am so going to be treating myself like the most socially desirable person that I know. That means having copies of my book in my hand while standing on Broadway saying ,”Live from NY, Its Tod Parker and the Scene. Oh yeah,

Im gonna be be jus sayin

Welcome to the Scene….Ive been expecting you

The Adventures of Tod Parker And the Scene with the Real House Lives of Atlanta

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:04:38 +0000

Reblogged from Tods Blog/ today on Tod…….:

When the phone is not ringing with Selena on the other end, the show still continues. Yes, I do actually have a life outside of my phone conversations with Girly. Todtv can create the scene set the stage and put you in it. The you being the lively characters that live around me .They have helped me create The Real House lives of Atlanta. And not by doing anything but being themselves . Let me give you an idea of some of the “colorful” characters that I have had the privilege to know. I had a friend …

The Adventures of Tod Parker And the Scene with the Real House Lives of Atlanta

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:09:47 +0000

When the phone is not ringing with Selena on the other end, the show still continues. Yes, I do actually have a life outside of my phone conversations with Girly. Todtv can create the scene

set the stage and put you in it. The you being the lively characters that live around me .They have helped me create The Real House lives of Atlanta. And not by doing anything but being themselves . Let me give you an idea of some of the “colorful” characters that I have had the privilege to know. I had a friend who will remain nameless, that was telling me a story about one of her adventures. Without going into a lot of details, I will say this, it involved the police, her saying “catch me if you can , bitches’!followed by a low speed car chase by the police. Uh I love it ! Just what todtv needs .A car chase… and a low speed one at that . Though that character has written itself out of any future scenes and moved on , its just like the saying goes, “The show must go on.”

And it does.

Usually when I step out the front door Ive got my camera ready to capture little sound bytes and clips of my adventures that ensue with my friends and neighbors that live around here. I call them (myself included) The Real house lives of Atlanta. We really don’t have characters that mimic the show,but we have performers none the less . They are the local talent that entertain at different venues around town. And just to give you an idea of what kind of entertainment and what kind of venues,let me start by saying,

if you wanted to catch a show at one of these spots you would find an upside down spinning Christmas tree hanging for your enjoyment.

So an establishment like that needs to have entertainers that are as outside the box as the creator of the upside down spinning Christmas tree.It has to have entertainers that go on to be cast on Rupauls Drag Race.

Some of the real “The Real house lives of Atlanta

The Armorettes and myself

It has to have people who can make you laugh as well as raise awareness to their cause like The Armorettes who have been raising money for HIV/AIDS research for 20 years .These Real Atlanta Houselives work very hard to keep the crowd entertained with a gender-bending attitude and loads of uproarious laughter.

One Sunday evening I decided to put on my best duds and let the town know what it looks like to look good, (im jus sayin) . I was sharper than a rat tail comb.

Sharper than a rat tail comb

I stepped in to the club and decided to create the scene with my camera and just started taking pics and video, when I heard Brett Starr discussing politics ,or politricks as I like to say . Brett and his co star looked my way pointed and shouted, “oh my god we’re on iPad” . The crowd turned to look to who they were pointing to. I continued to take pics when Brett said, ” come here you”!! As I walked over, Bretts Costar said “Oh I see we got a Pimp in the house yall, he’s “rockin it pimp style”. I step to the stage and the crowd looks on .The co star shouts into the mic,”We aint got yo money pimp, cuz we ain’t been on Ponce. The crowd laughs. (Ponce de Leon being notorious for those kinds of things like ,pimpin, prostitution, and hustling . Its its own scene) I just walked in to take pix and now I’m in it …as a pimp. All I could say was “You betta have mah Munty, hunty” when he held the mic to me they giggled as I nodded to the crowd and stepped back to catch more of the show .

Now I mentioned earlier that Brett and his co-Starr were discussing polititriks when I first walked in. I heard Newt Gingrich‘s name (who names their baby newt?) in reference to some of the newsworthy gay rights issues

I want to show you the video of what he said but it contains adult content. I don’t want to loose my sponsorship by posting it but I can tell you IT WAS GOOOOD!!!!tee hee heee

These are the Real House lives of Atlanta. Ordinary people that are adding the” variety that is the spice of life” which makes these extremely talented, entertaining gender -bending House lives of Atlanta , part of Tod Parker and the Scene.

If you’re in town you should check them out.

Welcome To The Real House lives of Atlanta…..we’ll be expecting you”!

THe Adventures of Tod Parker and the Scene

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 19:53:12 +0000

Im jus sayin

I’m jus saying

I’m jus sayin

Sunday Afternoon

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:04:33 +0000

Yesterday I was sitting down and Scene had crossed my mind,. We talk everyday you know. And wouldn’t you know it, the phone rang. I glanced at the phone and saw the number and sure enough it was HER. Do I pick it up and not say anything like she did to me before, do I say hello, buenos dias or do I say ,”Dr Helpchick:s Hot line , “How may I help a chick?”Needless to say I chose the latter . Dr Helpchick is my funny way of being able to say ‘Im not a real Doctor but I play one in real life ( you remember the commercial , right?) It also give me a chance to give Selena treatment. tee hee hee Well that started it . Selena was just leaving church when she called . After I introduced my self as Dr Helpchick and I was trying to help a chick, Selena says , ” cant you just say hello”? . My response was in my most professional sounding voice was, “Pardon me ma am, (she hates being called that) but this is the Helpchick Hot line, we are here to help a chick , Do you require the assistance of Dr Helpchick?” Selena tries to hold on to the religion she just got in church , I know she wants to say something smart but she cant because shes just leaving church. tee hee hee. Selena says ” my God I just left Church and you already got me bout to fuss you out’! I reply, ‘Well turn yourself right back around and go back in the church and gitcha somore . Thats right gitcha. ‘Apparently the first lesson didn’t take if you walk out the church and try to fuss me out.” Im jus sayin “.”"Well Tod,’ she says, if you would just say hello when I call I could hold onto some of my religion”‘We don’t do that Selena ” “We never just say hello ‘ ‘We start out by discussing who’s phone is more trickier,which is yours by the way” “Now I repeat, this is the Helpchick Hot line and it seems as though we DO have a chick in distress”.

Im jus sayin

Laughter ensues

Honestly,that’s how our conversations start out. I think we love to get on each others nerves and cant stand each other when we are nice. That’s what we do best We make our “dysfunctinality” functional by keeping the funk in dysfunction .Dysfunction is the new normal. Just like 40 is the new 30. If someone asks what is normal, the best response is dysfunction. A long as you keep the funk in it everything is fine. ( according to Dr. Helpchick) It works for Selena and I. It keeps laughter in the air .It also keeps me inspired to write about it. I remember back in 09 I said I wanted to write. I had tons of stuff that I never published. For some reason I didn’t think it was good enough. I cant remember where I saw it , but I recalled what it said….”write about what you know”. After several attempts to produce something that proved worthwhile I finally hit the nail on the head when I decided to write about my relationship with Selena. That’s something I know so why not write about it? In a perfect world , I can see Scene and I talking on the phone on the big screen, bickering and fussing back and forth and I can almost hear the audience laughing. I have said in the past I would watch this if it were on TV. It has all the dysfunction that viewers like to laugh at, it contains lovable characters that have depth and emotion that are able to make you laugh and cry at the same time What really makes it work is the chemistry that the two main characters have. The impeccable timing , the sharp wit and sarcasm combined with my handsome good looks(as defined by the Urban Dictionary) would make it a hit . Im jus sayin .All of these things fall into place between the two characters mostly because they’ve known each other for more than half their lives and have spent the last ten years of the friendship over the phone. Oh lets not forget the fact that I’m tod tv and I view a lot of life through the guise of a television sitcom.

Starring me of course

Im jus sayin

But I realize that its not a one man show….at least not yet, and that I need to have a co star.

She needs to be a slick chick with a smart mouth who is able to keep the funk in dysfunction.She needs to have humor wit and and sarcasm . If she’s fake bilingual , that’s a plus, along with being a plus size .

Hmmm,I wonder who can help me to create THAT scene.

The phone rings.

I think I know who it is.

“Welcome to the scene Selena , Ive been expecting you.

Conversations with Trucco and Cosa Grande

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 14:12:34 +0000

Welcome Back !

I’ve been expecting you!

And just because I mentioned in the last post that I would win the emmy for Best Actor in a series I thought it only decent of me to show my worthiness by sharing with you a recent experience to back it up. I mentioned before that the conversations Selena and I have are just like our own tv sitcom , Big Stuff. Sometimes the things that occur have in some way been an episode on one of those 80s sitcoms like 3s Company or Laverne and Shirley. I’m sure you;ve seen it . It’s the one where Laverne and Shirley or Jack and Crissy mistake an innocent person of being oh, an ax murderer or a bigamist or a bank robber based on a dream , the local news or some silly misunderstanding. Yeah that one. Sometimes they wound up as bumbling detectives . It showed us how funny it is when a tiny piece of misinformation gets blown completely out of control. Take all the above, with that premise, times 10, and add it to a cell phone conversation Selena and I would have with each other. Oh yeah !! I definitely would watch that show. Case in point:

Either I was solving a physics equation in the library or at church praying to the blood of the lamb, I can’t remember which,when the phone rang and it was Selena. This time I remember saying” hello” and Selena said hello too but not in english.She said “Buenos dias.” In her most ethnic Dominican accent she smartmouthedly says, “Oh!! I’m shocked!! I expected you to be at Club Sueno’. ‘ Oh lord ,here we go” I say to myself .Sueno is her sarcastic diabolical smartass way of saying sleep because I go to bed early. Get it? Club Sleep. Very funny. Not!!!! See how she starts the trick?From 0 to trick in ten seconds flat. My only defense is an equally sarcastic response Oh?You want to go there?” “Mija” Really?! Really!?” “and I see tu habla espanol ” ?? Que pasa cosa! And NO!!!”I’m not at Club Sueno, Mirantha Vera Cruz De la Hoya Cardinal!!!!! Gracias!!!

See how big it is? From me at the library studying a physics equation , to Selena’s sarcastic accent right down to my explosive remarks. BIGG STUFFF. Its so big it has 2 gs and 3 fs.Its so big that when I see “one missed call” on my phone I really have to stop and think twice about who that might have been(I saw the movie..I’m jus sayin) And what deliciously hilarious horrors await on the other end. How can I resist not finding out.. I would definitely be tuned in if this were on tv…..mostly to see how worthy I would be of receiving an emmy.

Im jus sayin

But back to our story. After our eloquent introduction its down to the business of whats going on.I might mention how I saw a big story about to brew among the interesting people working in the “fruit ” and produce dept at the local grocery store. Just wait. It gets big. Real bigg. Things would nt have gotten bigg if I hadn’t inquired about kale . I’m jus sayin . I noticed a clerk with their back turned so I tapped them on the shoulder and asked if they could tell me where it was,. I have no idea what they said because when this person turned around they had not only a full mustache , but breasts also…..in the fruit dept. Heres where I earned my emmy for outstanding actor in a comedic daytime grocery store scene.( Remember, todtv creates the scene, sets the stage and puts you in it,) I didn’t bother to hide the fact that my eyes were going from the mustache to the breasts ….as I shook my head as if to say this is so wrong. Not because they were transgendered No, not that at all, but that they were in the fruit dept and had to wear a uniform that said Fruits….. and not fruits of the loom. Whats the bigg idea? The next thought was which restroom would they use. I don’t know why it crossed my mind, but do they sit or stand? Im jus sayin what I would do if I saw an individual with …… breasts standing at the urinal . I might run out and check the door to make sure ‘I’ was in the correct bathroom…

.I never found the kale that day……. But I did see a story brewing

Im jus sayin

This would be the part where Rod Serling would say;

Just a regular ordinary day in Atl as heard through conversations with Trucco and Cosa Grande in Bigg stufff

Then this indescribable bone chilling sound comes over the phone. Uh oh , I thought to my self Selena’s cooking again. But to my surprise she wasnt. I asked her what was that noise she responded,( get ready, it’s about to get big) ’Im melting butter for the cookies I’m about to bake.” O My God I didn’t know that the sound of melting butter over Selena’s phone would sound that BIGG. It sounds like she’s using the same kitchen equipment Betty Rubble used in The Flintstones. But then again I should have known what I was in for the moment I saw “1 MISSED CALL” and had the nerve to hit redial.

I’ll probably never want another cookie again after hearing all of that , or so I thought. I found my way into the kitchen while listening to Selena’s butter melting and cut a few cookies of my own . She offers her help and tells me to bake them at 375 degrees, knowing full well that they were going to burn. The last time I baked cookies at that temp , they burned . They turned into chocolate chip cookie chips. Thats how(crispy) burnt they were. See how she starts trick? Thats why I baked them at 350.

More BIGG STUFFF later; but first this.

I’ll been expecting you!!!

Conversations

Mr.Tod A.Parker — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 21:33:18 +0000

On any given day the phone will ring and it will be my dear, dear friend Selena asking me if I’m sleep. This is how our conversations start. Yes, she calls to ask if I’m sleep. If I was sleeping,it would turn into a frightmare. Im jus sayin .Even though I will be in the grocery store check out line at 6pm (and granted, I do go to bed early, so I’m up at 4am. Why doesn’t she call me and ask me at 4am ,then? I’m jus sayin), I can’t resist the chance to respond sarcastically, Yes, Selena I’m sleeping.”‘In fact ,I’m sleep shopping and talking. “Thats right,” I’m In the store shopping, but I’m also sleeping and talking too “. Selena chuckles. I continue with,” If I was sleeping would I be on the phone answering that question”? Selena and I go through this introduction on the phone for a good ten minutes instead of saying” hello”. In fact, the words hello never come out of our mouths. It’s usually just an endless barrage of sarcasm, wit and humor, that only the two of us can understand.We won’t have it any other way. Its gotten so good or bad, that when she’s nice on the phone I hardly recognize her and have to end the conversation. Its sick . Its twisted ……I love it!!!! It’s so good that she says” You don’t like me when I’m nice on the phone you only like it when Im fussin”. It’s so bad that its true. It’s just like being married. I’m jus sayin. I don’t like talking to her when she’s being so nice. I don’t even know who she is and I will ask her what has she done with Selena (Just like in the movie Invasion of the Body snatchers).. I tell her to save the nice for her husband.

I would laugh at if this were on tv.

After almost 40 years of friendship, a jr prom and hundreds of miles apart , we have remained friends. Our friendship has been like a long running sitcom . No drama just intrigue mystery and laughter.. Even though she is married to a gr8 guy and is the mother of two boys, I still say WE are married. (the jr prom) We are the perfect terrible spouses. I jokingly say to her that we are married when we are in the middle of one of our “episodes’,which are always colored with me threatening to NOT divorce her, and Selena questioning me about why I wont divorce her in her Mirantha De La Hoya Vera Cruz Cardinale accent.” Por que” in her most ethnic accent is her response . Yes an accent .And…Domincan at that . Okay?Its better to stay ”fake ” married and make her life miserable the way real married people do, and not divorce her to make her happy. I’m jus sayin. Our marriage has absolutely nothing to with tradition. Right down to living 600 miles apart with different real spouses Thats why our marriage works.Because we don’t live together and we don’t particularly like each other. our marriage is not based on anything like love and respect or honor or any of those ridiculous things. Selena will say something so(jokingly) mean over the phone that I have no choice but to respond (in my broke back mountain voice) “I just caint kwit chu.”. “And I will never divorce you, because it would make you happy, I would never do that to you, you save the happy for your husband”..Then I spice it by threatening to tell her husband that she and I are really married….( I don’t think he really cares though). We both break out in laughter over the phone . This banter goes on and on for most of the conversation which could last for hours with me putting Selena in her place, (though I’m sure she’s going to dispute the fact ) and me threatening to NOT divorce her. (did you ever hear of such a threat? NOT to divorce) That means that you have to stay married and unhappy with a fake spouse.(while being married to another) It’s like a spoof of the show BIG LOVE on HBO only it’s called BIG STUFF ( or COSA GRANDE ), with Selena aka Mirantha Vera Cruz De la Hoya Cardinal playing the wife who has two husbands. Me being one of them. There are a lot of other shows that our friendship by default, spoofs in real life ,like the United States of Tara, Starring Selena as Mirantha….Cardinal in the lead. She was made for it. She is an actress after all.

I’m jus sayin.

I would definitely watch that show if it were on tv….especially if it starred me in the lead…….and co starred Selena.

Another episode of our show would start out like this:

I’ll be on the phone with Selena and there will be these horrendous sounds coming over the phone The only way to describe it would be…..I cant even describe it . Normal things like running water or aluminum foil tearing across the cutting strip on the box sound different because a phone can exaggerate noise. Especially that “chik phone Selena has. Being the smartass I’m supposed to be, my response to this would be “Oh It sounds like you’re preparing dinner”. I hear you mixing rocks and stones in a metal pot with a metal spoon. mm mm.” Or I might say after hearing that thunderous crashing sound “,Oh, it sounds like you are making some smooth and creamy mashed potatoes”.She is more like Betty Rubble in the kitchen than Betty Crocker. Thats because she watched the Flintstones as a kid and I think Betty Rubbles cooking skills rubbed off on Selena. I, however watched Graham Kerr on the Galloping Gourmet.(yes, I went there) and I guess that rubbed off on me . I also watched Dance Fever . Those moves did not rub off on me. They rubbed off and are STILL rubbing off on Selena.

More on that later, but back to our story.

Selena , not being one to let me have one up on her, quickly retorts with one of her ( get ready get ready…) retorts. I actually don’t know what she has said because I have gone deaf from her “cooking” over the phone. I can see her face .Shes rolling and slightly cutting her eyes as she shakes her head, and pruning her lips saying MMPH. Im sure shes doing it now.

I’m jus sayin

Its seems as thought by default we have become who we are because of what we are to each other. And maybe in part because of some of the shows we watched on tv. I think I took cues from the characters who played best friends through thick and thin near or far. There was a certain honor and loyalty in those friendships along with the zaniness . I noticed that fact after I took a closer look at Selena and I. Somewhere along the way ,we became our own sitcom (starring me , of course. ) complete with characters, our own laughter as the laugh track and house music as the soundtrack.

For example, there are the club kids,

Clickie And Clackie

Back in the mid 90s Selena And I were the one and only club kids. Our club gear consisted of a black turtle neck, black shoes and pants and black overcoat to put the blackberry brandy in because it was cold out. We braved all kinds of weather we wouldn’t even drive in, let alone walk in. We were dedicated club kids. If we got drenched in a down pour , fine go in the bathroom and( get ready)….use the hand dryer to dry off . Thats dedication. All the other club kids were making their appearances on Jenny Jones ,Phil Donahue and Geraldo ,we made our appearance at the train station at 9pm to catch the 918pm train to TRACKS NY in all kinds of weather. Thats right, subfreezing and below zero, snow , thunderstorms and all. Sometimes all at once. And still be laughing I’m jus sayin Chicago house music was breaking into the NY club scene with Marshall Jeffersons”Move your Body and Carolyn Hardings ”Memories . ( I know this to be one of Selenas favorite songs) Selena and I would be on the dance floor . Me, being the amazing dancer that I am, of course would be workin it out on the dance floor ,stunning the crowd with my smooth moves . And trust me I still can. And I am jus sayin. Selena would be workin too ,houseworkin it , because it looked like she was mopping the floor instead of dancin on it. I’m jus sayin. We would dance until 11 ;15 pm because we had to get the 11:45 train back to NJ. (Damn ,Cinderella had at least til midnight) After we walked out the club , our ears still ringing from the loud bass and crashing cymbals , we started walking briskly toward 14th st. Even thought NY is a very loud city, and our ears were ringing , we could hear the sounds of our heels clicking (me ) and clacking (Selena) down the street. Thats who Clickie And Clackie were. The Club kids from NJ, who had to click and clack their way back to the train or else……..we would be” jus missin ”the last train. Again we”d be clicking and clacking on thursday night with our Invites to the Micheal Todd party at the Palladium. As usual I would amaze the dance floor with my hot dance moves and Selena would once again be doing her ‘mop’ dance. She still does it. She has updated some of her moves though . It would be more like “Swiffer”. She has improved. Shes not as good as Bristol Palin or Wendy Williams but,……. I’m jus sayin. In time she will….I hope.

Clickie and Clackie (by the way ,Clackie is short for Clackresha, jus so you know.That’s how deep we have embraced these characters) have grown into who they are now, because we took gr8 care of them. Though they are not real , . They became real because we breathed life into them and they are alive. But now they are playing Trucco and Cosa Grande. Watch out!! Those two are the imaginations of the characters, running away with themselves , in cooperation with, co created by and starring Selena . Do I see an Emmy nomination for outstanding actress and actor?

No.

Just outstanding actor. Shhhh,Im jus sayin

I would still watch it though. I can almost see the sign I can hear Rod Serlings voice anouncing:

From the people who brought you Clickie And Clackie comes

Trucco and Cosa Grande in :

BIG STUFF